[Noisebridge-discuss] This will be the last email I ever send the discuss list, along with any relations to this place period.
justinsfca at hotmail.com
Tue May 8 19:06:15 PDT 2012
You know what? If I may debate all of this. I am actually doing the best that I can not to be hostile. But hey, since everyone else is talking drama, I'm about to completely explode!!! I am going to get it all out. My closing statement if you will.
I feel that it is my humble opinion that so many of you are acting like such hypocrites in saying everything that you are saying.For starters, define "trolling" and define "hacking" please? And please define them under the terms of which the entire community of members have delivered a consensus upon.
Also, YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHING, I didn't want to share any of this with anyone because after all this is supposed to be private, but the way so many of you seem to be so incredibly merciless with your criticism of me in the past, along with the unethical things that have been done to me, along with ALL the back and forth drama between RAYC and I, or Cynthia, or WHO'S HACKING AND WHO'S NOT!?! or WHO'S TROLLING, WHO'S NOT! Everyone seriously just shut up, and when you say something like "SHUT UP AND HACK" you're saying something, as opposed to SHUTTING UP AND HACKING!! Did you think of that?!Oh and I was in a shitty position two months ago where I lost many of my friends, along with contact from my relatives. When I was in Washington DC, after I read that email of Robert accusing me of stealing $100, after I replied back to him, I FOOLISHLY got up and walked into my mom's bathroom and swallowed two bottles of my mom's Adderall and Xanax pills in her medicine cabinet. I had to go to the hospital to get my stomach pumped, and be put into a psych ward for 72 hours in Virginia. I am being open and real about it because this is what this fucking place has done to me. After spending 80-90 hours a week watching the lives of countless others falling apart in front of me, and a person who I once highly thought of as probably my best pal and buddy at the hackerspace was filming me and laughing at me in probably one of the most humiliating and degrading moments in my life. OH AND IF I DIDN'T FEEL BAD ABOUT WHAT I DID, AS IN THAT WAS THE LOWEST POINT IN MY LIFE, WHY DID I TRY TO KILL MYSELF!! HUH?! So I spat on Robert and I sat on his feet once. You wanna know what Robert, maybe the reason why I am so reluctant to cave in and submit myself to your constant accusations of making me out to be such a violent criminal is because of something I was trying to tell you for months and I was going to until you publicly embarrassed me by YELLING AT ME IN PUBLIC AT A BURGER KING! You wanna know what I was trying to get at, I was trying to relate to your situation by letting you know I was a victim of a very nasty hate crime by my brother for coming out of the closet when I was 13 years old. And since we're on the subject, I was a constant victim of harassment in my conservative high school and I even got my car vandalized. Maybe what I was trying to tell you all along was that I was suffering and am still suffering from gay shame, and all I wanted was to have a male hetero friend/buddy/strictly platonic friend that I could relate that to, and I THOUGHT you'd be the type of person that would understand.... It wasn't for 11 years that I finally told someone about what happened to me. WHAT YOU DID REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS, and I KNOW that what I did to you was hurtful and wrong along with all of this constant back and forth arguing in PUBLIC!!! OVER SUCH STUPID NONSENSICAL CRAP!!! And NOT ONCE HAVE YOU EVER APOLOGIZED to me for anything that you have done to disrespect and hurt me a LOT on MULTIPLE occasions. IMHO (AND YES I KNOW HOW TO SPEAK TECHSPEAK!! BECAUSE I AM SOOOO TECH!!) I am still in AA right now and GOING STRONG, and I'm out here busting my ass trying to get a job. And you wanna know something it's because of all of you out there who are being discriminatory and arrogant egotists to newbie hackers like myself who at one point was getting the highest grade in all of my IT classes THANKS TO NOISEBRIDGE that I stopped feeling welcome. SO SORRY, I didn't GRADUATE from MIT, and invent Google sunglasses. And I was having a lot of fun, but now look at where this has all gotten. I can't HACK anything, NOT EVEN ASTROLOGY, even if I wanted to!!! And you wanna know something Robert, I feel like you have so much criticism for others, but look at your life. It is falling apart before my very eyes because you are spending 80-90 hours of your weeks' time at Noisebridge, avoiding your own REALITY!!! AND I CAN'T BARE TO ALLOW MYSELF TO WATCH!!!I am so beyond done with this place, and this fucking list, or any of these threads or anything related to this place!!! I really wish that I could come back here, but HOW LONG before Robert decides to have one of his bitter angry temper tantrums and calls the cops on me? OR HOW LONG BEFORE ANY OF YOU TRIGGER HAPPY INDIVIDUALS PULL THE SAME STUNT?!?! Huh? HUH?! AND GO AHEAD UPLOAD THAT VIDEO OF ME AND SEO it!! MAKE MY DAY!! I have never felt so much more insulted and unethically mistreated by so many people in my entire life, and what's worse, this place started off being really cool, but then all the drama turned me into a drunk angry monster!! AND NO, I'm not going to do anything drastic, I'm just fucking done! I'd be CRAZY if I ever came back here, if this space hasn't already made me crazy enough... This place seriously needs to get an HR department.
P-E-A-C-EOUT, HAVE A GOOD ONE!
- Justin Patrick DoerrPS, I'm gonna go check out HackerDojo in Mountain View, I heard that place is drama MINIMUM compared to Noisebridge. And then I'm going to hit up Geeks and Depression, thanks Mitch for posting about that. But otherwise, I can't deal. Thought I could.... can't... Farewell NB Disgust, farewell Noisebridge. Farewell, farewell, farewell.... Emo Force-quit Noisebridge sequence begins now...
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