[Noisebridge-discuss] Benevolent Sexism

Snail snailtsunami at gmail.com
Sat Apr 6 19:16:02 UTC 2013

If someone is reading this now and wondering, "How can I help someone who
looks like they need help, if it's going to be perceived oh-so-terribly?"

You can just ask, "Do you want a hand?" People who want help will be
grateful. If they say no, walk away. That's 100x more appreciative than
grabbing something out of someone's hands or just presuming they want help.
People get benefits out of making their own mistakes and learning from
them, after all. :P

On Sat, Apr 6, 2013 at 12:12 PM, Snail <snailtsunami at gmail.com> wrote:

> You misspelled my name :P
> People -constantly- try to help me with my bike on the rack at Noisebridge
> when I don't manage to hike it up in one swoop. They -always- try to
> explain to me how I'm doing it wrong. They -always- think I don't
> understand the problem or that I can't do it myself. It's always a man who
> does this.
> It would be annoying even if I were a man, to be doing a simple task and
> have someone male or female --jump in my way and literally try to take it
> out of my hands while I'm working on it--.
> On Sat, Apr 6, 2013 at 12:01 PM, LinkReincarnate <
> linkreincarnate at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Benevolent Sexism exists.  I am not here to argue that is does not.  I
>> will point out that there is a lot of behavior that overlaps with
>> Benevolent Sexist behaviors.  For example I was in the space and  snell was
>> trying to get her bike off of the rack.  From my angle I could see that the
>> tire was still stuck on the hook so I tried to lift the tire off of the
>> hook.  Snell didn't like this and told me to stop. I did.  The only reason
>> I could see for her not wanting my help was because I was a man, she was a
>> woman, and heavy lifting was involved.   The problem is that I was not
>> helping her out of a sense that "she's just a frail woman"  I was helping
>> her because I saw what was causing her problems.  (And she appeared to be
>> at an angle that obscured the problem) Had she been a man I would have
>> still helped remove the bike from the rack.    So while benevolent sexism
>> exists lets not go overboard in reacting to perceived benevolent sexism.
>> There a lots and lots of prosocial behaviors that overlap with benevolent
>> sexism and without knowing the other persons thoughts and motivation for
>> initiating an act you cannot tell one from the other.  In other words give
>> people the benefit of the doubt.  If you see some behavior that you think
>> is benevolently sexist rather than scowl at the person for it, check
>> yourself.  Is there a possibility that this person's actions were not in
>> fact motivated by my sex?  Is there a possibility that by being so
>> hypervigilant for sexism that I am finding false positives?
>> _______________________________________________
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>> Noisebridge-discuss at lists.noisebridge.net
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> --
> -Snailssnailssnailssnailssnailssnailssnails
> ............. _ at y

............. _ at y
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