[Noisebridge-discuss] Benevolent Sexism

LinkReincarnate linkreincarnate at gmail.com
Sat Apr 6 19:52:59 UTC 2013

Well I am sorry I did something that made you feel uncomfortable.   I'm
also sorry for the tone of my previous posts. Looking back at the original
post it does seem that I got a little offended by your body language at the
time and I let that seep into my writing. I took too aggressive a tone. I
can see how having people assume you just don't get it or getting in your
space constantly would be annoying.   From my point of view though it was
the same type of action as kicking a wire that someone was trailing to
prevent it from getting snagged on something.  I was trying to prevent a
larger problem by assisting in a smaller one.  I didn't think of the sexist
On Apr 6, 2013 12:35 PM, "Snail" <snailtsunami at gmail.com> wrote:

> I would like to say that I'm sorry that I don't want your help putting my
> bike on the bike rack, but I'm not really sorry.
> On Sat, Apr 6, 2013 at 12:32 PM, LinkReincarnate <
> linkreincarnate at gmail.com> wrote:
>> First of all You are making a lot of assumptions here. And secondly you
>> are ascribing the actions of other men to me.
>> 1 I never took anything out of your hand or stepped "In your way" as you
>> put it.  I was standing to the side of the bike and putting my hand under
>> the wheel to get it unstuck.  I didn't even get near your personal space.
>> 2 I never offered (or would have offered) a lecture about how to remove
>> the bike from the rack or comments that you are doing it wrong.
>> 3 You dont know what those men think anymore than I do
>> Fact of the matter is that your sex had no bearing whatsoever on my
>> actions  but you automatically assumed that was why I was helping. You even
>> assumed that after I explicitly stated that was not the case. That type of
>> attitude is divisive and counterproductive.
>>  On Apr 6, 2013 12:12 PM, "Snail" <snailtsunami at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> You misspelled my name :P
>>> People -constantly- try to help me with my bike on the rack at
>>> Noisebridge when I don't manage to hike it up in one swoop. They -always-
>>> try to explain to me how I'm doing it wrong. They -always- think I don't
>>> understand the problem or that I can't do it myself. It's always a man who
>>> does this.
>>> It would be annoying even if I were a man, to be doing a simple task and
>>> have someone male or female --jump in my way and literally try to take it
>>> out of my hands while I'm working on it--.
>>> On Sat, Apr 6, 2013 at 12:01 PM, LinkReincarnate <
>>> linkreincarnate at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> Benevolent Sexism exists.  I am not here to argue that is does not.  I
>>>> will point out that there is a lot of behavior that overlaps with
>>>> Benevolent Sexist behaviors.  For example I was in the space and  snell was
>>>> trying to get her bike off of the rack.  From my angle I could see that the
>>>> tire was still stuck on the hook so I tried to lift the tire off of the
>>>> hook.  Snell didn't like this and told me to stop. I did.  The only reason
>>>> I could see for her not wanting my help was because I was a man, she was a
>>>> woman, and heavy lifting was involved.   The problem is that I was not
>>>> helping her out of a sense that "she's just a frail woman"  I was helping
>>>> her because I saw what was causing her problems.  (And she appeared to be
>>>> at an angle that obscured the problem) Had she been a man I would have
>>>> still helped remove the bike from the rack.    So while benevolent sexism
>>>> exists lets not go overboard in reacting to perceived benevolent sexism.
>>>> There a lots and lots of prosocial behaviors that overlap with benevolent
>>>> sexism and without knowing the other persons thoughts and motivation for
>>>> initiating an act you cannot tell one from the other.  In other words give
>>>> people the benefit of the doubt.  If you see some behavior that you think
>>>> is benevolently sexist rather than scowl at the person for it, check
>>>> yourself.  Is there a possibility that this person's actions were not in
>>>> fact motivated by my sex?  Is there a possibility that by being so
>>>> hypervigilant for sexism that I am finding false positives?
>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>> Noisebridge-discuss mailing list
>>>> Noisebridge-discuss at lists.noisebridge.net
>>>> https://www.noisebridge.net/mailman/listinfo/noisebridge-discuss
>>> --
>>> -Snailssnailssnailssnailssnailssnailssnails
>>> ............. _ at y
> --
> -Snailssnailssnailssnailssnailssnailssnails
> ............. _ at y
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