[Noisebridge-discuss] Benevolent Sexism
ryanobjc at gmail.com
Sat Apr 6 19:55:25 UTC 2013
As a Canadian, I have been preprogrammed with politeness which is why I don't:
- go out of my way to help you with the door
- carry stuff for you without being asked
- try to solve your problems for you without being asked
- any action that could be interpreted as sexism, ableism, ageism, etc
Which is more rude, not helping that person in a wheelchair or being presumptuous and assuming they need help?
I have chosen the latter. I hope you will as well.
In polite non-rudeness,
On Apr 6, 2013, at 12:35 PM, Snail <snailtsunami at gmail.com> wrote:
> I would like to say that I'm sorry that I don't want your help putting my bike on the bike rack, but I'm not really sorry.
> On Sat, Apr 6, 2013 at 12:32 PM, LinkReincarnate <linkreincarnate at gmail.com> wrote:
>> First of all You are making a lot of assumptions here. And secondly you are ascribing the actions of other men to me.
>> 1 I never took anything out of your hand or stepped "In your way" as you put it. I was standing to the side of the bike and putting my hand under the wheel to get it unstuck. I didn't even get near your personal space.
>> 2 I never offered (or would have offered) a lecture about how to remove the bike from the rack or comments that you are doing it wrong.
>> 3 You dont know what those men think anymore than I do
>> Fact of the matter is that your sex had no bearing whatsoever on my actions but you automatically assumed that was why I was helping. You even assumed that after I explicitly stated that was not the case. That type of attitude is divisive and counterproductive.
>> On Apr 6, 2013 12:12 PM, "Snail" <snailtsunami at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> You misspelled my name :P
>>> People -constantly- try to help me with my bike on the rack at Noisebridge when I don't manage to hike it up in one swoop. They -always- try to explain to me how I'm doing it wrong. They -always- think I don't understand the problem or that I can't do it myself. It's always a man who does this.
>>> It would be annoying even if I were a man, to be doing a simple task and have someone male or female --jump in my way and literally try to take it out of my hands while I'm working on it--.
>>> On Sat, Apr 6, 2013 at 12:01 PM, LinkReincarnate <linkreincarnate at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> Benevolent Sexism exists. I am not here to argue that is does not. I will point out that there is a lot of behavior that overlaps with Benevolent Sexist behaviors. For example I was in the space and snell was trying to get her bike off of the rack. From my angle I could see that the tire was still stuck on the hook so I tried to lift the tire off of the hook. Snell didn't like this and told me to stop. I did. The only reason I could see for her not wanting my help was because I was a man, she was a woman, and heavy lifting was involved. The problem is that I was not helping her out of a sense that "she's just a frail woman" I was helping her because I saw what was causing her problems. (And she appeared to be at an angle that obscured the problem) Had she been a man I would have still helped remove the bike from the rack. So while benevolent sexism exists lets not go overboard in reacting to perceived benevolent sexism. There a lots and lots of prosocial behaviors that overlap with benevolent sexism and without knowing the other persons thoughts and motivation for initiating an act you cannot tell one from the other. In other words give people the benefit of the doubt. If you see some behavior that you think is benevolently sexist rather than scowl at the person for it, check yourself. Is there a possibility that this person's actions were not in fact motivated by my sex? Is there a possibility that by being so hypervigilant for sexism that I am finding false positives?
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