[Noisebridge-discuss] Important Announcement from the Board

Naomi Most pnaomi at gmail.com
Tue Apr 1 17:59:55 UTC 2014


Attention, Noisebridge hackers.

Noisebridge is now under martial law.

All of the bylaws have been suspended.

Stay in your cubicles.

Do not attempt to contact collaborators, attorneys, or other hackerspaces.

SHUT UP.

Do not attempt to think, or depression may occur.

Curfew is at 11pm sharp, after Hackatorium Hours are over.

Anyone caught inside Noisebridge after curfew will be banned.

Remain calm.

Do not panic.

Your neighborhood Red Shirt will be by to collect urine samples in the
morning.  Anyone interfering with the collection of urine samples will
be banned.

Hack shelves will be inspected for trace elements at noon.

Anyone failing to display the mandatory embossed black velvet
mexican-style painting of Emperor Norton on their hack shelf will be
banned.

To further protect private property against homeless people, cameras
and surveillance equipment will be placed on all hack shelves and
classrooms.

Anyone failing to attend morning mediation and prescribed bureaucracy
worship services on Tuesday will be promptly banned.

Stay in your cubicles.

Remain calm.

The number one enemy of progress is QUESTIONS.

Security is more important than individual rights.

Under the provisions of the war on homeless people, zero tolerance,
and the anti-harassment policy, all property and life savings of
suspected drug users and suspected sleepers in the space will be
seized and sold prior to mediation.

Anyone resisting this policy will be presumed to be under the
influence of drugs.

No longer will anyone be able to gather without permission.  Use only
the drugs prescribed by your hackerspace.

SHUT UP.

Be happy.

Obey all wiki edits without question.

SHUT UP.

The comfort you demanded is now MANDATORY.


---- A message from your dutiful Noisebridge Board of Directors


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