[Noisebridge-discuss] Important Announcement from the Board

Jeffrey Carl Faden jeffreyatw at gmail.com
Tue Apr 1 18:21:36 UTC 2014


Cool. Have you seen Homestar Runner today?


On Tue, Apr 1, 2014 at 10:59 AM, Naomi Most <pnaomi at gmail.com> wrote:

> Attention, Noisebridge hackers.
>
> Noisebridge is now under martial law.
>
> All of the bylaws have been suspended.
>
> Stay in your cubicles.
>
> Do not attempt to contact collaborators, attorneys, or other hackerspaces.
>
> SHUT UP.
>
> Do not attempt to think, or depression may occur.
>
> Curfew is at 11pm sharp, after Hackatorium Hours are over.
>
> Anyone caught inside Noisebridge after curfew will be banned.
>
> Remain calm.
>
> Do not panic.
>
> Your neighborhood Red Shirt will be by to collect urine samples in the
> morning.  Anyone interfering with the collection of urine samples will
> be banned.
>
> Hack shelves will be inspected for trace elements at noon.
>
> Anyone failing to display the mandatory embossed black velvet
> mexican-style painting of Emperor Norton on their hack shelf will be
> banned.
>
> To further protect private property against homeless people, cameras
> and surveillance equipment will be placed on all hack shelves and
> classrooms.
>
> Anyone failing to attend morning mediation and prescribed bureaucracy
> worship services on Tuesday will be promptly banned.
>
> Stay in your cubicles.
>
> Remain calm.
>
> The number one enemy of progress is QUESTIONS.
>
> Security is more important than individual rights.
>
> Under the provisions of the war on homeless people, zero tolerance,
> and the anti-harassment policy, all property and life savings of
> suspected drug users and suspected sleepers in the space will be
> seized and sold prior to mediation.
>
> Anyone resisting this policy will be presumed to be under the
> influence of drugs.
>
> No longer will anyone be able to gather without permission.  Use only
> the drugs prescribed by your hackerspace.
>
> SHUT UP.
>
> Be happy.
>
> Obey all wiki edits without question.
>
> SHUT UP.
>
> The comfort you demanded is now MANDATORY.
>
>
> ---- A message from your dutiful Noisebridge Board of Directors
> _______________________________________________
> Noisebridge-discuss mailing list
> Noisebridge-discuss at lists.noisebridge.net
> https://www.noisebridge.net/mailman/listinfo/noisebridge-discuss
>
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