[Tastebridge] Hacker Headlines: 2011 Retrospective

Tony Longshanks LeTigre anthonyletigre at gmail.com
Sun Jan 8 14:00:55 PST 2012


Hey Muppets, Wizards & assorted autonomous Mutants

As a special treat, I give you an advance from
ZiP<http://www.noisebridge.net/wiki/Zine>Issue One (release date Jan.
19!) that I hope will illustrate the healing
and transformative power of humor, without stepping on anyone's toes

You guys have no idea how much fun I have with this stuff. If I could
actually make a *living* doing this? omg

Bcc'ing to a few others I haven't talked to in a while, though you may not
get all the Noisebridge in-jokes

*
HACKER HEADLINES

*A Fond Look Back at 2011 (Plus a Few That Are Current)




*Red Hackerphone Possessed by Irritating Pixie

Hippopotamaphile Editor Decries “Odd-Toed Ungulate” Software Nomenclature

Study Finds History Repeating Itself More Often, Alzheimer's Feared

Assault Alleged at Noisebridge, Email Storm Expected

Member Accused of Assault Storms Out of Space Vowing Never to Return

Member Accused of Assault Returns After Two-Day Hiatus, Seizes Control of
Kitchen

Katherine Plans Chinese Dinner for Christmas, States She is Not Jewish

Soup-Making Endeavor Results in Messy Blender Blunder

Cockroaches Believed to be Coordinating Raids with Mice

Drywall Sanding Coats Hackerspace with Fine White Powder, DEA Investigates

Noisebridge Assault Victim Expected to Make Full Recovery

Occupy Wall Street Camp Evicted, Moves to Noisebridge Sofas

RAYCE Receives Harsh Smackdown at Member Meeting

Coffee Grounds Prove Excellent Substrate for Shiitake Spores

Noisebridge Code Writer Delights with Don LaFontaine Impression

ZiP Editor Sleeps Through Class Again, Won't Ever Learn at This Rate

Hackers Rendered Irrelevant as New Program Allows Computers to Hack
Themselves

Flesh Eating Computer Virus Unaffected by e-PARASITE Bill

Pirates Fight for Right to Party, Accuse SOPA of Hate Speech

Thanksgiving Feast Results in Gluttony, Excessive Eggnog Consumption

Money Believed Stolen From Unsecured Receptacle in Middle of Busy Open Space

Large Sofa Disappears from Library, Foul Play Not Ruled Out

Missing Sofa Now Homeless, Spotted in Various Places

Board of Directors Overheard Mocking Their Own Authority

Food Items Marked NO SHARE on Only 4 out of 6 Sides Assumed Up for Grabs

New Bill Would Restrict Fire Escape Use to Escaping From Fires Only,
Smokers Choke with Indignation

Dearth of Disabled Hackers Blamed for Recreational Use of Wheelchair

Cripples, Queers and Fatsos Accuse Headline Writer of Insensitive and
Hateful Language

Noisebot Programmed to Single Out and Disparage White Male Oppressors in
New Inclusiveness Initiative

Humor Attempted to Defuse Touchy Subject Flies Over Heads, Lands on
Forbidden Fire Escape

Leftover Christmas Food Attracts Rats, Does Little to Improve Air Quality

Clever Hacker Asks What Would Happen if Corporate Machine were Simply
Unplugged

Ribald Stand-up Comedian Trapped in Elevator with Anti-Oppression Activists

Military-Industrial Complex Issued Foreclosure Notice by Group of Anarchist
Pranksters

Bioluminescent Mushrooms Considered Very Cool Despite Lack of Psilocybin

Neglected Crisper in Fridge Believed to be Source of Unpleasant Smell

One Percent Sympathizer Feels Almost Everyone is Against Him

ZiP Editor with Virtually No Programming Knowledge Makes it Up as He Goes
Along, Apparently Convinces

Activist Code Writer Claims Binary System is Broken, Proposes Adding Number
2

Cursory Observations Reveal Wide Range of Emotional Maturity Levels Among
Noisebridge Users

Joergen Stays Late Christmas Night, Rocks Out on Guitar Again

Noisebridge Member Wishes to Remain in Background, Would Hate This Headline

New Study Finds Unemployed Slackers Have More Free Time, Get Less Done

ZiP Editor Wishes to Write for Onion One Day*
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