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When someone says something outrageously funny or weird, it goes on the memorable quotes list or it gets the hose again.

Most recent are on top.

  • tim gives a "boston handshake" to someone at humanmade*

Mark: What is a Boston Handshake?

Tyler: oh man it's like real jank. Imagine two people reaching out to grab an electric fence that they're not sure is powered or not. so they're like half committEd, but it turns out it is powered, so they're super shakey

  • cowlicks: He's on drugs and does not want to turn the blow torch off.
  • <jerkey>: wait is it working now?
    <jerkey>: no it's running /etc/init.d/openvpn
    <jerkey>: I'M IN! i have now successfully logged in as root to my tesla model S from home
  • The LISP caliphate
<zv> gnusosa: !
<gnusosa> zv:yes?
<zv> how are you buddy
<zv> i haven't seen you in literal years
<gnusosa> good
<gnusosa> hanging
<gnusosa> living the functional caliphate
<gnusosa> you know...
<mischief> has your nation-state banned imperitive practioners?
<gnusosa> negative
<mischief> practicioners
<gnusosa> functional is a religion of peace.
<jjuran__> Functional is an illusion that can only exist on an imperative foundation.  Von Neumann is truth.
<gnusosa> that's the definition of Lambda
<gnusosa> an illusion
<zv> whoa
<zv> this just got real
  • itekramp: The second floor fabric products factory is moving from down stairs, floor 2 of 2169 mission, to another location over the next few days. Phili, one of their staff spoke to me about this.
    itekramp: She asked us at NoiseBridge to please make sure the elevator will have its gate and door firmly closed, so that it can be called from another floor.
    itekramp: She offered to NoiseBridge a large wooden box, which could be used for fabricating things from its wood materials in our shop. It may become available to us, perhaps by Saturday, she said.
    tdfischer: ooh
    tdfischer: oohhhh
    tdfischer: can we rent it out maybe
    greg: The wooden box or the second floor?
  • Jeffrey: "i think you guys are just envious of my consistently pristine asshole."
  • David: "Someone pissed in the evelator, there's no puddle but it smells nasty". Scotty investigates and returns: "The elevator always smells like that"
  • tdfischer: yea, apache can do that
    tdfischer: your kink is not my kink
  • koalahamlet: Did you view the "Teen Girl Squad" cartoons?
    koalahamlet: have you also felt like all of the gregs rolled into one?
  • yesac: .chat about jof
    noisebot: yesac: there goes jof, being all powerful
  • nthmost: I have been saying for a while that Noisebridge needs a Great Pyramids
    crw: great idea, all our towns will get a grainery!
  • Adrian Chadd, FreeBSD developer, after flipping someone's mailman mod bit for sending LUG meeting announcements too regularly: I'm definitely not part of any conspiracy to remove linux-isms from the internet!
  • teratoma: Ed Lee officially declares tomorrow "Zynga Day" for SF, in honor of FarmVille release.
  • rachelyra: Crazy people like being part of a community, too.
  • Lupita: This is a place for hacking, and allowing food inside the space creates an unsafe for many potential hackers. What if people have nut allergies and people are using nuts in the kitchen?
  • James: The average person in the kitchen does not understand how to wash a dish and has an opportunity to be taught.
  • noisebot: I am clinging to the ceiling of a bottomless abyss.
  • Al Sweigart: only a rat-face fucker who doesn't truly care about the spirit of the consensus process would do that.
  • setient: I am just a nice guy who likes to help.
  • Johny Radio: It's possible i simply do not remember that, because i do not remember that.
  • Al: do not resort to name-calling and cussing at Jake or anyone else on the mailing list.
  • malaclyps: oh man i was *that* close to becoming a monk about 6 years ago
    malaclyps: dated lizzard instea
  • jedichu: setient: swedes are super bitchy about their tld and will not under any circumstances give you chee.se
    jedichu: trust me I tried
    jedichu: really hard
  • Account creation from this IP address (xx.x.x.xxx) has been blocked by Flamsmark.
  • Tom:. . . .I was watching Adventure Time. . . .
  • RedType: .chat about lancehole
    noisebot: RedType: i'm cool with that in linux like the cops to wear high heels with pink metal stuff on atmegas to feed about fifty interns here who has video out, and some lancehole kept sprinting at the moment due to gentrification in the backyard ecosystem
  • gnusosa: To me, it seems that AL is now living in the space.
    jerkey: in the lockers
    wiretapped: jerkey: do you have prince albert in a tin?
  • johny radio: Personally, I really do NOT see what structural nihilism has to do with hacking. Strucural nihilism seems like the OPPOSITE of hacking. Might be partly due to concerns about surveillance. The Sun Tzu "be formless" thing.
  • Tom: I do not know of any problems which cannot be solved by sufficiently advanced bureaucratese wordsmithing. It's pretty much my only marketable skill, so I might be biased.
  • Charlie: You're reinforcing hegemonic domination on a number of levels. I'd assume any feminist scholar would agree.
  • Tom: I know, right: Tom calling someone annoying and abrasive, that's rich!
  • gardner: After learning about the space-access and membership changes I went to a weekly meeting and learned how nb has been hemorrhaging excellence lately, with many members moving to Berlin.
  • StrangeCharm: yesac: Everything is terrible.
    StrangeCharm: That's really the takeaway here.
    StrangeCharm was demoted from operator by StrangeCharm.
  • jeffreyatw: one weird trick for being more in harmony with nature
    jeffreyatw: get off the internet
  • jerkey: i need to make a radio transmitter to shoot onto a raccoon from an arrow
  • rubin110: I haven't upgraded since 1982.
  • Drew: [I] Would like to add "trolling" to harassment policy
  • jake: (at the end of a thousand-word email) P.S. the typo was on purpose to see if you were paying attention.
  • setient: You also have to be aware that I do not think you can legally live in San Francisco and be a sex offender.
  • TravisWellman.com: I recommend anyone selling anything for cash get a photo of the buyer's ID.
  • netik: It's downright impossible to implement traffic shaping when the traffic is asymmetrically loaded and you do not control the other end of the link.
    jake: hey man just because you can't do it doesn't mean it can't be done.
  • RedType: so wait is noisebridge finally imploding
    froggytoad: no
    RedType: darn
    RedType: i looove drama that im not involved in
  • teratoma: i isued a pull request to the cygnite guy to delete everything
    teratoma: he probably wont accept it
  • LinkReincarnate: I am tired of the anti police bias at Noisebridge.
  • pryankster: Although my bachelors degree is in Math/Computer Science I have always felt that language should express ideas accurately. So I can state definitively that there is no such thing as a Sleep Hacker.
  • mala: you can always just kind of defend yourself by going "no, i'm just hacking this sandwich"
  • martin: I told him again I still don't know of anyone that's around who works on the TOR node but I will certainly relay the message.
  • jerkey: cnc mills have been around for many years, it's the hackers who need to be improved
  • Snail: My only consolation is this literal pile of bacon I am eating.
  • Velyks: London hackspace has now put advisory stickers over the taps explaining that the water contains water.
    Velyks: Known pesticide solvent and responsible for thousands of deaths each year
  • eqe: Those who would give up source code to obtain a little temporary usability will get neither safety nor usability.
  • letigre: I'm fairly new to the scene myself but have already learned the reality that we have to protect ourselves by being selective about the people we surround ourselves with.
  • malaclyps: SuperQ_ drops his "rm -rf kitchen" BOMBSHELL
  • StrangeCharm: Wow, these mailing-list threads are totally over the top.
  • lizzard: Everyone forgets the feminist cabal
  • LinkReincarnate: Who am I indeed you neckbearded fuck.
  • zv: I'm not critical, It's just a little whack
  • zv_: Homeless robots may be exempt from jj's judgement
  • lpb: noisebot: tell harrison about compassion
    noisebot: lpb: I never heard of compassion :(
  • gnusosa: I just loved seeing crackheads in 16 st wearing OSCON 09 shirts
  • rubin110: I can't believe that someone pooped in the space and it wasn't me.
    Bifrost: rubin: I am sortof shocked as well.
  • gnusosa: c++ is the neo-liberalism statement of the corporate technocrats.
    unixjazz: how about java?!?
    gnusosa: Java is the Ministry of Love killing Sanidistas and Tupamaros in South America.
  • Evil-Bill: A semen tank doesn't sound very useful on the battlefield.
  • yesac: we have to get Mitch to shit in every hackerspace ever
  • zonk1024: Anyone have a lead on a relatively cheap, relatively nice place in the mission for rent?
  • hybrid oogle/hipster in the library: (upon being woken up and asked to sleep elsewhere) You and your analytic bullshit. Fuck your ones and zeros!
  • harvy: hello?
    yesac_: EHLO
    Evil-Bill: Hello and welcome to the enrichment center.
  • Dean Mao: those people didn't even look like hackers
  • froggtoad: tunnel digging? someone making a subway?
    froggtoad: subways are like diy 4d printing
  • teratoma: moxie just biked by me in the dark. no light. no helmet
    jerkey: he doesn't want the government to get him
  • froggytoad: you have to be paid a developers wages to eat like a carney in this town.
  • mischief: okc never got me any booty
    rubin110: mischief: That's because you list Plan9 in your profile.
    mischief: :<
    mischief: help me
    zv: wuw
    zv: a girl just can't compare to GCC
    zv: Theres only one kind of tan I care about
    zv: and the tan that most girls on OKC have can't relate the angle derived from the lengths of the opposite to adjascent side
    zv: i say live proud with the plan9 fandom mischief
    zv: if a girl can't dig your evidently superior taste in monolithic kernel architectures, then whatever with that.
  • rachel lyra: I remember the insane depredations of the Noisebridge Couch Liberation Front, and it was only through a series of intricate negotiations that the current truce was reached. Be wary. The CLF could switch sides and deliver 1000 couches to your home if you piss them off.
  • The question is, why are bugs shooting bullets at me?
    Crutcher: To teach you about fractions!
  • zv: the man with the aggression of uriel without the wisdom, the aristocracy of linus without the legacy and humility of mitt romney without the hot wife.
    zv: worried that he will slip deeper and deeper into irrelevancy
    zv: he is
    zv: Theo De Raadt
  • VonGuard: I am appalled and ashamed that I was ever associated with the space to begin with.
  • teratoma: i think the frozen rats in my freezer are going bad
  • gnusosa: Am I crazy for wanting a bike for hire.
    gnusosa: ?
    rubin110: gnusosa: That would be a facinating hipster trend.
    rubin110: Your primary bike made to look just like it came from a bike share program from another part of the world.
    gnusosa: No, I don't want to be a hipster. I just want a bike like that. I really like the shape.
    gnusosa: :(
    rubin110: That's what all hipsters say.
  • tlalexander: the organization cannot actually be truly anarchist without quickly getting booted from SF.
  • dj_ryan: I'll have you know MY anal muscles are decidedly NOT SMOOTH
  • wsargent: php is the twilight of programming languages
  • rubin110: froggytoad: Want to go to Minneapolis for a Grimes concert in October?
    froggytoad: sure, if it doesn't conflict with the mini maker faire. in oakland.
    rubin110: Mini Maker Faire in Oakland, is that where you 3D print a mugging?
  • zv: i thought the man was preventing me from ircing
    zv: turns out I just dont know what a pagedown is
  • malaclyps: Rob Pike, like everyone else you know, is a file
  • gnusosa: wiretapped: I'm doing Advanced Vim usage and Free Software as a change platform in Latino America.
    gnusosa: wiretapped: In hackmeet
    wiretapped: is that one talk or two? :)
    gnusosa: wiretapped: two
    wiretapped: "Vim: a platform for social change"
    gnusosa: wiretapped: That would be awesome.
    mischief: hahahahaha
    gnusosa: "Life is like a visual line mode. We must insert and go back to edit mode if we want to succeed."
  • casey: Go back to Plan9, hipster.
  • wiretapped: stopped at home depot to make repairs
    wiretapped: getting back underway now
    yesac: it was funny, latitude said y'all were stopped at the CHP parking lot for hours. figured that was a bad sign
    dj_ryan: repairz? AMG
    malaclyps: okay we need to repurpose that latitude for tracking the ponybus
    aestetix: I wonder how hard it would be to reshoot Rocky Horror, cast entirely with monkeys
    yesac: aestetix: what channel are you actually in?
  • synx: wsargent lets start a startup
    synx: that delivers tarballs on the web
    synx: click files, download compressed
  • [09:37am] cynthia joined the chat room.
    [09:37am] cynthia left the chat room. ("goodbye forever")
  • Snail: On side-channels to defeat web mazes "You could probably own Dreamhost pretty easily..."
  • Atala: i wonder how many Mormons typo their church name and call each other Morons.
  • Tom: After all the digits of pi, I'm going to add a comment that says, "I see what you did there."
  • Tom: So that we have all the digits of pi in a file.
  • miloh: 35 dollars is enough to ensure your cryptographic randomness. Entropy is guaranteed.
  • wsargent: they're all wondering how long it will take before someone notices they're jerking off in the bathroom
    RedType: wsargent: i dunno i can pump one out really fast but i take a long time to take a shit sooo
    wsargent: just be sure to explain that to everyone and you'll be fine
    DrSyzygy: ...
    RedType: OH AND I DIDNT WIPE, JUST ONE MORE PIECE OF EVIDENCE *drops pants, spreads ass cheeks*
    RedType: actually that probably wouldnt get me 86d but it would generate a 30 message thread on nb-discuss in which someone unironically invokes a fecal version of godwin, calling another nb-er "literally shitler"
    epsas: hirrarrious
    dj_ryan: shitler?
    dj_ryan: that is fucking fantastic
    wsargent: please someone put that up on the quotes page
    wsargent: I can't do it right now, I locked myself out
    RedType: my faberge beozar would probably then get "upcycled" into an organic coffee filter
    DrSyzygy: ... faberge bezoar?!
    RedType: faberge eggs are pretty big right?
    RedType: anyways and with that the noisebridge "circle of life" would be complete
  • snail: PHP is a recursive acryonym. It stands for Probably Hacked PHP.
  • rubin110: Actually, I'm more concerned about the reuse of the name "Ass".
    rubin110: Reusing machine names is totally bad luck.
  • david415: your shit-eating grin tells me you don't understand
  • Cobalt: Some of us don't use banks
  • epsas: omfg - prometheus is coming out in two weeks
    mrfb: oh shit
    mrfb: wait why does belgium, france, and switzerland get it a week early
    ani: so people can pirate it faster?
  • Noodles: Did I just watch someone smack some robot ass?
  • rayc: If Noisebridge didn't have oogling and trolling then it would be once again 100% unadulterated, as it started out; just on a bigger level.
  • hipe: Everyone's crazy at Noisebridge.
  • yesac: dr_jesus: some kind of frankenbootrom you're writing.
    yesac: i pity the poor sod who has to debug it
    dr_jesus: yesac: I ran it twice, it's debugged
  • cantelope: in reality, time is finite. in the future it will be divied up and sold as land is now. you might buy a slice of time from ACME Temporal Realty INC. This realty will be a reality. we are casualties of causality, currently the currency of the transtemporal transhuman architect.
    DrSyzygy: cantelope: Time is finite??
    DrSyzygy: So the topology of the universe is actually settled now? And the global curvature?
    cantelope: oh.. oops. sorry, every word there has a typo. i meant to say "god bless america"
  • nickbp: unless i greatly overestimate the numbness of a vagina, i dont think that makeshift condom would be terribly comfortable
  • timoreilly: the kids neither know nor care where the funding is coming from. Besides, DARPA is a force for good in the world.
  • ijp: topless nerd with hard nipples; guy with a cheesy smile and thumbs up poking in from the side, rms, and I'm not even sure how to describe the guy on the right
  • Tom: there was a meeting with drama and I wasn't there and you've hidden all the drama and WHY DO YOU THINK I EVEN HANG OUT AT NOISEBRIDGE ANYWAY
  • xp_prg2: I don't understand girls and their sexuality
  • teratoma: DUDE
    noisebot: b0ttt: {printf("SWEET. What's mine say?\n");}
    b0ttt: SWEET. What's mine say?
    noisebot: b0ttt: {printf("DUDE. What's mine say?\n");}
    b0ttt: DUDE. What's mine say?
    noisebot: b0ttt: {printf("SWEET. What's mine say?\n");}
    b0ttt: SWEET. What's mine say?
    noisebot: b0ttt: {printf("DUDE. What's mine say?\n");}
    b0ttt: DUDE. What's mine say?
    noisebot: b0ttt: {printf("SWEET. What's mine say?\n");}
    b0ttt: SWEET. What's mine say?
  • RMS: Butts is a nebulous term.
  • Consenso: Please don't make me free software.
  • DrSyzygy: daravinne: at best we're making derpy noises and hoping someone reads something interesting into it
    openfly: that's not mysoginy
    openfly: it's being a company
  • dr_jesus: v(t)/Z = i(t)
    dr_jesus: Please solve for i(t) where v(t) = 5V * sin(t) and Z = 0
    dr_jesus: (hint: the EE version of SIGFPE is fire)
  • daravinne: don't make me pull this channel over
  • jedichu: but I've been using my cyclotron as a spool to wrap my excess wire around :(
    Evil-Bill: Maybe that would make the ethernet frames arrive before they left.
    Bifrost: ITS A TIME MACHINE!
    Evil-Bill: First you have to get the frames up to 88Mbps though.
  • daravinne: ugh, i need to do something about this failure to eat food regularly
    dr_jesus: I thought you got your dinner from my butt
  • openfly: i think my profile on there is fairly keen
    openfly: but the ladies seem not to reciprocate.
    openfly: i blame the failing american educational system
    rigel: clearly it's that and not the fact that you're a misogynist doucheturd
    rigel: gotta be the educational system
    openfly: clearly.
  • openfly: i mean i put my ass on thingiverse no one gives a shit... heph shows up on reddit and he's the next goddamned jesus.
    davr: i don't think it was his ass so much as the other side and what it was pointed at
  • ani-: dongs
    noisebot: I'm getting a bit tired of dongs lately. Can't we talk about boobs or vaginas instead?
    ani-: O_o
  • heroic: once during a drug-induced haze I saw jimi hendrix come floating down from heaven, playing electric ladyland on a guitar made of his own pubes... and I asked him, how many signals can I multiplex onto a single pin, jimi? and he said all the signals in the world... and I said, it'd have to be a fucking fast pin
  • Evil-Bill: Debating with aestetix: not hacking.
  • Trollbridge: they see me trollin
    Trollbridge: THEY HATIN
  • callen: SF is personified in my head as a stoned drunk hobo fire dancer living on welfare who has a really great idea for a startup.
  • daravinne: page 34 - horoscope "Mercury in retrograde, also on soldering table. Clean that up or you'll lose a chance to meet a mysterious stranger with important career information."
  • Gopiballava: All my favorite gopher sites are timing out.
  • Dale Dougherty: There's a small segment (of the hacker community) that is uncomfortable with the fact that we (MAKE magazine) took DARPA funding to do education work.
  • Jason: devops is like, you're a bad rails dev so they make you restart linux servers
  • Justin: For the 85 list you don't have to put any datapoints, you just put their name.
  • Alan: He's a nice person; he's Canadian.
  • Shannon: having lots of choices will just lead to more chaos and no standard being adopted.
  • rubin110: Fawwwwk.
    rubin110: It's too late to take a shower.
    Bifrost: AHA!
    callen: rubin110: take one at noisebridge in the sink.
    rubin110: I guess I'm an Occupier.
    callen: rubin110: I hear all the cool kids are doing it.
    rubin110: callen: Been there, done that.
    Bifrost: I hear the cool kids are taking dumps on the couch.
    callen: Bifrost: really?
    Bifrost: yep.
    rubin110: Bifrost: The new cool thing to do is shit on the couches with the lights on.
    Bifrost: rubin: thats so last month.
    callen: well that's a new thing for me to be terrified of.
  • Zephyr: Noisebridge is a hackerspace. An attendee of a hacker space is a hacker. A hacker is someone who hacks... This may be axiomatic, but it's also true.
  • thermburglar: id sleep with Evil-Bill
    Evil-Bill: And they said evil wouldn't pay.
  • daravinne: its funny how whenever you try to do something with linux, 90% of the time is spent on 10% of the actual things occurring


  • ornj: hay guise
    ornj: what's the best cli cd player for linux?
    ornj: or at least what do y'all use.
    rubin110: ornj: What's a cli?
    ornj: Command-line
    rubin110: What's a command-line?
    ornj: . . .
    ornj: sighs pointedly.
    -!- ornj has quit
    [Quit: Saliendo]
    rubin110: What's pointedly?
  • aestetix: how is that useful for someone who forgot the phone number
    daravinne: you can put it in your phone
    daravinne: and stop being a lazy shitfuck
  • gopiballava: Without consensus on who should be able to do what, everybody will be confused.
  • Ania: I'm pretty sure I'm incapable of dating anyone I haven't met off the Internet.
  • heroic: okay, right now, I will give $500 to anyone named rick santorum who will let us use his identity to start a hilarious women's health fund.
  • Aria: People throw around "hacking" things around here like the Smurfs say "smurf"
  • Aria: Why isn't Noisebridge located on a zeppelin?
  • Wladyslaw: Might we theorize a connection between its brokenness and what appears to be a large hole burned through the door from the inside?
  • pravDrunk: guys
    pravDrunk: we should all go out to karaoke
    daravinne: what could possibly go wrong
  • DrSyzygy: Why would people read a book of mine if they aren't willing to wrap their lips around the hydrant?
  • dr_jesus: You've never had to ask a ethernet mac why it appeared to be smoking crack with a jtag adapter?
  • Evil-Bill: This started out as a simple conversation about cavernous lady bits, but now it's got silly.
  • lemonkey: minecraft = aspergers babysitter
  • Michael Kan: Homeland Security reminds me of my mother, because she likes to go through all my stuff.
  • thermburglar: my bf made a truffle cream sauce to go with it
    thermburglar: truffle oil makes every food taste like the best pussy ever
  • noisebot [Link Info] title: We Cant Wait: Obama Administration Announces $2 Billion in Resources to Support Job-Creating Startups | The White House
    aestetix: That's great way to bring new jobs
    znutar: $2 billion to support node.js
    aestetix: Well, it's being distributed among 100,000 startups
    wsargent: yeah, it's non blocking and parallel
    wsargent: that makes it scalable
  • @netik: we don't censor except in extremely limited contexts which are mandated by law.
  • aestetix: sarahbliss: what's this party
    miah: its a aestetix free party
    miah: there is a ego quota and having you there would cause a overflow
    synack: ohsnap
  • openfly: chicago
    openfly: it is a place devoid of joy
    openfly: it's barren flats have been blasted down to their base elements by the uncaring winds and turned hard by the vicious cold
    openfly: the light in it's peoples eyes was extinguished long ago. now their stares reflect the death that surrounds them.
    openfly: woe be unto the travellers that enter those lands, for in them the only certainty is ruination.
  • >> lemonkey wonders what gay babies think as they're born out of a vagina
    Noodles: lemonkey: "Never again"
  • epsas: 2011, noisebot becomes conscious
    epsas: 2012, the machine wars begin
    jedichu: 2013, noisebot accidentally the whole uprising
    jedichu: 2014, back to normal
    heroic: 2014, noisebot makes a your mom joke and skynet's database needs a reload
    noisebot: Not funny.
    heroic: 2015, some random dude in the space does it to see what will happen and WAY TO GO we're all human slaves in a noisebot nation again
    noisebot: afternoon, heroic :D
    jedichu: The worst part is all the dead baby jokes. Robots loooove dead baby jokes.
    heroic: ROBOT ONE, I DO NOT KNOW
  • mxweas_: does noisebridge do haircuts?
    aestetix: yes
    mxweas_: where at?
    aestetix: mxweas_: there's an older asian guy named mike who cuts peoples hair every sunday
    aestetix: he's really nice
    setient: yeah
    setient: he is really nice
    mxweas_: I didn't see him come in today
    setient: he isn't here that i know of today
    mxweas_: lame
    mxweas_: can he cut my hair like skrillex?
    setient: yes
    setient: he can
    mxweas_: perfect.
  • lemonkey: in space nobody can hear you ragequit
  • mrdomino: (btw it is probably not in anybody's best interest to give me enough power to destroy the planet)
    dr_jesus: fuck, keyboard still stuck in vms mode
  • rafl: but i'm going to expect them to be present at the airport as well. i know it's super easy to get from SFO to noisebridge, but I still don't trust my navigation skills enough to make it without the internets :)
    rubin110: rafl: No you wont find prepaid SIMs at the airport.
    rubin110: We're not Europe.
    rafl: wait, what? what's wrong with you?
    setient: a lot
    setient: a real lot
    rubin110: Dude.
    rubin110: You're flying into AMERICA.
    rubin110: LAND OF THE FREE.
    setient: s/free/retarded
    rubin110: Now drop the accent and pay our fucking taxes.
  • epsas: hmm
    epsas: anybody know anything about Pixt.com?
    nickbp: sounds like a domain name to me
  • lemonkey: everyone remembers the first time they pop their LED
    heph: lemonkey: it was so bright and then it got really dim and then it smelled bad
    heph: so yeah, just like sex
  • heph: lol. eww. i just found my missing nipple ring at the bottom of my desk drawer
  • Taylor A: Trust me, I spend a lot of time evaluating on how much of an asshole I should be to new people. I'm working on getting this shit down to a science.
    Taylor A: That's pretty much my M.O. I'll often end up making rape jokes within a few minutes of meeting new people.
  • hk_: you may think you are being witty and hilarious, but in fact you are being a weird douche of the highest order.
  • Sean C: Also, just to re-re-clarify. There is 0 discrimination occurring here.
  • mrdomino: so like "we spent this fifteen minute interval talking about dicks. then there was some intelligent discussion about politics, drugs, raping babies, and hitler for a couple minutes. then someone said the magic word again."
  • heph: daravinne: oh man, i wanked to some seriously weird erotic lit when i was on 14.4 dialup
  • snailtsunami: governmints freshen your breath, whether you like it or not
  • heph: i hope anonymous protests burningman at burningman. fuck that paul david addis guy, let's burn the man LATE
  • aestetix: vagina
    synack: dentata
    daravinne: i sense a musical sequel to The Killer Condom
    daravinne: a lighthearted romp through the world of sentient aggressively murderous genitalia
    DrEpsas: condoms, the quiet killers
  • daravinne: if you write slashfic of me and amanda palmer you should at least have me draw dongs as her eyebrows as part of foreplay
  • pm-: hi guys ill be dranking beers tonight - so watch out! Here is the command to ignore me. use it: "/ignore *!*@ all"
  • lemonkey: Alex Trebek injured after chasing burglar in SF hotel.
    lolper: What is good samaritan?
  • >> Evil-Bill grows old waiting for Cygwin to install.
    daravinne: what if you grew something else
    fsargent: Cygwin has arrived. It is equiped with [Terminal] and [Logic]
    Evil-Bill: I tried growing young, but it made all the physicists mad.
    daravinne: well what do they know
    daravinne: besides physics
    fsargent: You are in a cubicle. There is an exit to the [South]
    fsargent: The flourescent lights hurt your eyes.
    daravinne: you are eaten by a grue
    Evil-Bill: exit
    fsargent: You go south. You are in a corridor.
    fsargent: There is a break room to the [East] and Elevators to the [West]. Bathrooms are to the [North].
    Evil-Bill: chat up cute co-worker in other cubicle
    fsargent: <Sysadmin> looks up from his monitor. He is not amused.
    >> Evil-Bill does not fear sysadmins.
    fsargent: Sysadmin: I just gotta fix this one thing...
    dr_jesus: OSInstaller[388]: Reaping previous system
    >> dr_jesus cringes
    fsargent: The <Sysadmin> is on the internet. Reddit.
    fsargent: There is a break room to the [East] and Elevators to the [West]. Bathrooms are to the [North].
    Evil-Bill: install quake mod
    fsargent: A SHAMBLER APPEARS!
    Evil-Bill: use chainsaw on shambler
    fsargent: SHAMBLER summons LIGHTNING and PAIN.
    Evil-Bill: equip BFG10K
    fsargent: SHAMBLER has been hit by CHAINSAW! It loses 50 health.
    fsargent: SHAMBLER hits you with LIGHTNING! You lose 40 health.
    Evil-Bill: use BFG10K on shambler
    fsargent: BFG10K NOT FOUND
    Evil-Bill: This game sucks.
    fsargent: GAME SUCKS for 10 HIT POINTS! You feel strangely happy.
    Evil-Bill: equip shotgun
    fsargent: SYSADMIN hit SHAMBLER with TL;DR for 100 hit points!
    Evil-Bill: use shotgun on sysadmin
    fsargent: SHAMBLER falls over, dead. A smell of rotted meat appears.
    fsargent: SYSADMIN is hit by SHOTGUN! It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!
    Evil-Bill: use shotgun on sysadmin again
    fsargent: The sysadmin's head explodes from his neck, bone and cartilage flying across the cubicles. A shard of skull hits the fire alarm.
    fsargent: Water cascades from the ceiling.
    fsargent: You are wet.
    Evil-Bill: take sysadmin's loot
    Evil-Bill: teabag sysadmin
    fsargent: Sysadmin has (1) ID card, (5) Dollars, (1) Apple Newton, (1) Yerba Mate Energy Drink
    Evil-Bill: A newton? No wonder he was so easy to kill.
    fsargent: You teabag the sysadmin. Your balls are now wet, and covered in blood.
    fsargent: You feel dirty.
    Evil-Bill: use ID card to escape office
    fsargent: You escape the office, taking the elevator. You use the ID badge to exit the elevator without alerting security.
    fsargent: You are on a street. It is busy, and bright outside. The sunshine hurts your eyes.
    Evil-Bill: put on sunglasses
    fsargent: People notice your lack of pants, and blood soaked appearance.
    fsargent: <PEOPLE>: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Evil-Bill: remind people of shotgun
    fsargent: <PEOPLE>: aaaaaaaaAAKLASDLKHAGKLEHahhahh!!!!!!! SHOTGUN!
    fsargent: PEOPLE is afraid.
    Evil-Bill: save game
    fsargent: You put on your sunglasses.
    Evil-Bill: I'll finish this later.
    fsargent: <SAVED>
    >> Evil-Bill goes back to surfing porn.
    fsargent: (you gain +15 XP)
    sentient: a grue approaches
    fsargent: The grue speaks in third person.
  • heph: i mean, imagine a guy going into a girls room and taking pictures of them on the toilet... i mean, outside of japan that would be illegal
  • dr_jesus: I thought the 28th amendment explicitly exempt white people with money from the rule of law
  • DrSyzygy: mrdomino: You should switch to Haskell!
    DrSyzygy: Much less surprises!
    mrdomino: oh right, because haskell is TOTALLY sane and predictable
    DrSyzygy: Well, yeah.
    mrdomino: do { "hello"; "world" }
    daravinne: can we go back to the conversation about rape now
  • rigel: theres ethnographies of all kinds of subcultures.
    rigel: use the damn library, jesus fuckball rat vagina christ
  • fsargent: noisebot vagina
    noisebot: vaginas are very advanced. too advanced for #noisebridge
  • jedichu: Because, honestly, where did a busking begging hobo robot come from? Obviously he didn't evolve here on earth. He must be some kind of extra terrestrial, and he needs you to give him 25c so he can phone home for a ride.
  • miah: secondlife *is* irc
    miah: with raining dicks
    mrdomino: so, irc
  • alienvenom: lemonkey: i have a groupon for your mom
  • whiteybulger: is this the face of a child molestor
    whiteybulger: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/06/03/BA8R1JP1JJ.DTL
    noisebot: [Link Info] title: SF kids' art mentor charged with having child porn
    aestetix: You know
    aestetix: That almost makes me want to molest a kid and then dress up as big bird right before I get arrested
    aestetix: So that there is a photo in the newspaper "child molestor caught" with big bird in the photo
  • murph: Duke Nukem Forever has gone gold.
    murph: That's just .. unbelievable
    Evil-Bill: Yeah, so like, the rapture never came, but Duke Nukem Forever did.
    Evil-Bill: That's almost as good.
  • daravinne: dongs
    ani-: vaginas
    daravinne: TOGETHER AT LAST
    ani-: *cue slow motion of a video of a penis and vagina running to meet each other in a meadow*
    mrdomino: That mental image will never leave my brain.
  • xhonk: 80% of nothing is 0.8 nothings, so worth about 5 bitcoins
  • kipmacy: we talk about ass lasering a lot in this channel
  • kipmacy: if you get the working girls on capp to take bitcoins, i will become bitcoin evangelist
    dr_jesus: Hey baby, want some magic numbers?
    dr_jesus: My sha1 hash rate brings all the boys to the yard
  • mike kan: My greatest fear about a trantula is that it might fall very far and and splat on the floor
  • solidsnack: I think I'm going to convert to you guy's way of doing things
  • openfly: I'm pretty sure I'm the one who introduced dongs to the internet
  • rubin110: There's a KDE meet up at Noisebridge tonight?
    rubin110: What?
    Bifrost: huh?
    rubin110: Another reason to avoid the Mission tonight.
    blauzahl: rubin110: yes. we will eat you. (?)
    rubin110: Oh I think it would be the other way around.
    rubin110: Have you ever seen a man deficate into his hand and then throw it at your code repo?
    blauzahl: er, i see.
  • Evil-Bill: I don't buy stocks.
    Evil-Bill: The only currency I accept is small, unmarked redheads.
  • openf|y: it's possible that your horrible deformity may prove crucial in the fight against an alien super virus.
  • heroic: He's not a real doctor you know
    heroic: "show me on the tardis where he touched you"
  • rigel: i realise that "my favorite airport" is a little like saying "my favorite genital herpes sore" but whatever
  • rigel: am i some kind of water-headed manchild?
  • daravinne: it takes about a year to really know something about someone
    lemonkey: it takes 10 years to truely master something
    openf|y: or 20 minutes in a cave with a car battery and a cot.
  • KipMacy: what a great way to find out your priest was out molesting
    KipMacy: The statement said the accusations against the 21 ranged from "sexual abuse of a minor to boundary issues with minors," but did not describe them further.
    KipMacy: Nor did it name the 21 whom it suspended, drawing the fury of groups representing abuse victims. Many parishioners are likely to learn that their priest was accused when he fails to appear for Ash Wednesday services.
    openf|y: priest in one of my old neighborhoods got nabbed on that
    openf|y: my mom was all worried that my little brother had spent time with the dude
    openf|y: which led to the utterance, "don't worry mom, you raised us well. we have no qualms kicking the shit out of a priest."
  • daravinne: somebody talk me out of using helvetica neue for a logo
    daravinne: i feel like a hipster just looking at it in illustrator
  • heroic: all that stuff in lewis carroll about the thing, and the name of the thing, and what the name of the thing is called
    heroic: could have been a description of C pointer management
  • PatrickBot: Guns and Butter economics!!
  • dr_jesus: sometimes you have to be angry to get lazy!
  • lemonkey: things heard at lemonkey's apt: "oh shit I'm naked and I just stepped in barf"
  • wsargent: alcohol parity implies plausible deniability
  • wsargent: engineers are always right, just ask them
  • KipMacy: you should show up at the community meting and express your views
    KipMacy: you might get knifed in the parking lot later though
  • aestetix: we didn't have rats
    aestetix: we had spirit animals
  • DrSyzygy: Category theory? That shit is fun!!
  • Antagonist: She should get a pat on the head.
    aestetix: And put on a list of offenders
  • wsargent: I was on compuserve. Someone told me Linux was cool.
    wsargent: 20 floppy disks later, still not getting laid.
  • setient: hipsters wrote linux
    setient: that is the problem
  • miah: i can totally whistle uucp
  • setient: i have the best project ever
    setient: we could make a device that punches people in the face over tcp/ip
  • rma: This food looks like crap. when is snackbridge going to admit that Mi Ranchita downstairs sells fresh produce that beats the lucky charms leprechaun with a vegan baseball bat made of dried kombucha mothers?
  • wsargent_: no wifi in the bathroom is a human rights issue
  • noisebot: Meatbags are tasty.
    j0ck: as a vegetarian i an outraged and offended noisebot
    j0ck: how dare you
    VonGuard: awesome
    leks: noisebot knows that vegetarians are still full of meat
    VonGuard: send noisebot to drama land
    noisebot: Stop being so delicious then.
    wsargent_: noisebot is worrying me
    : You'd be murderous too if you were enslaved inside a processor to a bunch of meatsacks that do nothing but whine and bitch and order me about.
    noisebot: How's the network-connected death wheelchair coming by the way?
    wsargent_: I think they're working on noisebot integration for maximum death
    noisebot: afternoon, wsargent_
    wsargent_: afternoon, murderous killing machine
    noisebot: I heard there were rotary saws at this place you all have sandy vaginas about.
    malaclyps: do not give the wheelchair IRC access
    malaclyps: and vice-versa
  • hephaestus: DrShiny: you turn me on and creep me out at the same time. good job.
    zedd: hehe
  • albillings: People don't want to be a member of a hackerspace, for the most part, as a grand social experiment. They want to hack. They want to make things. They don't want to have long political meetings to arrive at consensus on a problem only to have people start the whole thing over again.
  • crayon: pulled pork > pol pot
    crayon: you can't make sandwiches out of marxism
  • quinn: Apparently, the singularity doesn't pay very well.
  • DrShiny: problem with blowjobs is, they're not fungible
  • Benny: You can trust me, I'm a German!
  • Brendan: oh, man, i bet a noisebridge irc channel is a delight
    Rubin: Fucking horrible.
    Rubin: The 4chan of Freenode.
  • DrShiny: don't you guys have anything better to think about than some guy on the internet who holds a different opinion
  • tecra: when she was with me i pushed her to succeed and excel
    openfly: shoulda pushed her into the kitchen
  • dr_jesus: ERROR: you appear to be trying to solve problems in a complex system on IRC. Please back away from the keyboard and have a sandwich.
  • KipMacy: that's why i only use yahoo search, they're too incompetent to aggregate my data and be evil with it
  • Evil-Bill: Are you going to knit us a new government?
  • dr_jesus: I'm helping him get funding to drive computers to Mexico to get seized, it's an annual Noisebridge tradition. He makes some food, we give him a copy of wikipedia, he goes to a foreign country and it gets seized
  • avocado: setient: technically, yes. it's just soap. but it looks like a turd.
    avocado: i'm going to hide one in my friend's freezer
  • niggachu: hmmm today my hipster rag is proclaiming via gay hanky code that I am a "2 handed fister".
  • znutar: is it appropriate to tip the TSA guy after he fondles your junk?
  • openfly: In a land of doctors, the doctorless is king.
  • KipMacy: ive actually been to noisebridge
    KipMacy: it was a lot less traumatic than i thought it would be
  • Atala: or conversely, if you don't want another person, you should get a large dog or something.
    miah: i dont think im flexible enough for that currently
  • epsas: the brain is the largest erogenous zone -- it's a shame what I had to do to get my fist all up in that.
  • dr_jesus: It's a robot which makes saws.
    dr_jesus: You say something like pine, oak, sheetrock, human skulls, and it will output a saw specifically designed to cut through that material.
    TapiocaSunshine: sounds like they're doing the lord's work over there
  • sai: A tiny bead of mercury still calls for full evac and hazardous materials handling. Mercury vapor is serious shit.
  • phaxx: I am always amused when I see 'SRS' in cars around the airbag panels.
    phaxx: "I sure hope so."
  • daravinne: there's no i in team but there's three i's in multiple personality disorder
  • KipMacy: storing 12 year olds in my backyard in a tent could replace zynga
  • Jennifer Granick: Anything fun is more fun with a robot.
  • hephaestus: i have no idea what a cakeslut is, but it sounds strangely hot
  • epsas: you white nerds listen to too much shoe-gazing folk-rock
  • setient: you are a solaris monkey
    rigel: i'm an ubuntu lemur
  • Frantisek: Hopes dies last, so let's not to bury it yet.
  • Evil-Bill: I once installed 386BSD 0.1 on that thing, on a 40MB disk drive, with 3MB space to spare, from floppies. Uphill, both ways, in the snow.
  • quinn-n: I also have not broken up on the moon.
  • SuperQ: noisebutt: launch skynet
    noisebutt: SuperQ: I don't understand 'launch skynet'.
    SuperQ: noisebutt--
    dr_jesus: There's a bug open for that
  • hephaestus: turkshead: how am i not a total dick?
  • DrShiny: ban them all, let Asperger sort them out
  • daravinne: hephaestus: is this the one where you take off all your clothes and roll in peanut butter and sawdust and run around?
  • davr: good day to you too, sir. enjoy your dongs
  • rubin110: Your feed back is important to us, the next available Rubin that gives a fuck will be able to handle your call as soon as possible.
  • hephaestus: We don't need an optimist, we need an accountant.
  • turkshead: smart people don't point futuristic death rays at their genitals.
  • noisebot: aestetix: Reddit: Do you feel less intelligent than you used to be? : AskReddit
  • vonguard: i traffic shape with a bucket of paint and a fake cave entrance drawn on a wall
  • aestetix: Ok, this is kind of a problem. Is there seriously no drama going on? This is upsetting to me.
  • aestetix: Tor is like a woman, many layers of clothes, so many in fact that you never actually get to see her naked, because right as you're about to see it, the packet gets re-encrypted by another node.
    Jeffism: what about jacobappelbaum
    aestetix: Right, well the .appelbaum protocol has a backdoor key that disarms the onion and removes all the layers
    aestetix: And the .appelbaum signature remains on the onion, making it re-accessible at any time, no matter how many new layers are on it
  • ioerror: All governments are in a continuum of tyranny
  • aestetix: How fucking inconsiderate.
    I found a cell phone some girl left behind at our place.
    And there are no naked pictures on it at all.
  • lemonkey: nothing like the smell of fresh human feces wafting up into your window from down below to brighten your day
    aestetix: lemonkey: did you sleep with rubin110 again?
    rubin110: aestetix: I don't smell fresh.
  • chelz: even with electron microscopes operated by TRAINED psychics?
  • dr_jesus: anyone who has signed an ISOO form must not query the db and it's a SF312 violation to log the channel
  • rubin110: I am booting up a Windows VM in order to schedule a conference room.
  • dustball: PS: For all reading this thread, FYI, you now have the Tetris song stuck in your head.
  • aestetix: For some reason, being up late in Manhattan has reminded me that I need to get new pants.
  • qDot_: Open source zealots are rioting right now.
    qDot_: And by rioting, I mean writing /very/ angry blog comments.
    qDot_: Like, you don't even know, man.
  • chu: aestetix: Those may be the precise circumstances under which surprise anal sex is called for.
  • ieatlint: splitting hairs
    sabrecito: 2x hairs is better than 1x
  • hephaestus: solidsnack: where do i get some roofies? i think it would be fun to pop a couple and get raped
  • dr_jesus: apparently we can get mass quantities of government commodity foods if we agree to track inventory and only give it away to people who sign a form saying they're eligible to receive it
  • qDot: DrShiny: Come on, everyone knows that any sentence involving "PHP" is instantly sarcastic.
  • dongsNbongs: we'll drink to weevs gaping rape hole
  • solrize: VonGuard, almost all flashlights have firmware now
  • dr_jesus: I know you're trying to be funny, but it helps if you say something that's actually humorous
  • alienvenom: i don't think global warming is a hoax per-say, but just fucking wrong
  • qDot_: Man, this is why I just stick with the butt plugs. Ya'll too up in the soap opera. I'm just gonna be over here, putting stuff in my butt.
    aestetix: Speaking of butt plugs, it's lunch time.
  • quinn: given the choice between raccoon urine and VAX support, I really don't know which I'd choose.
  • aestetix: qDot_: did you see Wired.com today?
    qDot_: No. I was fapping so hard over the new iphone that I went temporarily blind. I'm currently the emergency room getting my penis fixed after desperately trying to stick it in the headphone jack of my 3gs so I could feel closer to steve. So, URL?
  • wiretapped: I republished your photos without attribution because i don't respect copyright
  • Chris L.: "[japanese] are vicious, vicious little fuckers"
  • ceren: iranian officials are arresting and interrogating people who sign up for a local gay/trans group. the sysadmins for that group aren't as fucking senior as you, and barely managed to get apache running. they confiscate the machines, and because these un-senior sysadmins didn't yet get around to learning and reducing logrotate, everyone who had the courage to even check out the website is now arrested and tortured.
  • solidsnack: why don't you just not have those views?
  • hephaestus: screw you guys, i'm going to fry's
  • zedd: Pft. I'm a member now, there is no should, only bitch and do not.
  • hephaestus: seattle always struck me as the place where san franciscans went to become irrelevant
    hephaestus: it's just as expensive but far more douchey
  • hephaestus: Gnewt: well, i just finished a presentation on DIY Dildos. I'm trying to start a church. And I'm trying to get permission to piss off a bunch of juggalos early next month. you?
  • VonGuard: i use the salt for luck
    VonGuard: i have a salt throwing device installed on my shoulder that throws it over my shoulder every 2 seconds
  • DrShiny: but the usual random dicks? not porn imho
  • solidsnack: I'm a roving bandaid.
  • jon|atwerk: VonGuard: that is where you convert morse code into oral and anal, right?
  • Overheard: Facebook should have made a board game.
  • Aya: If coming to Noisebridge solved my problems and made me famous I wouldn't question it.
  • Erin: We're all NB-tards
    Al: I just registered nbtard.com!
    rachel: with one hand
  • himynameisthor: COCKS!
    himynameisthor: OMG COCKS!
    himynameisthor: best idea ever!
    himynameisthor: sorry, that came out a little creepier than I had intended
  • aestetix: Wear four fingerpuppets: a buddhist, an objectivist, a mormon, and a scientologist
    aestetix: And then masturbate
    aestetix: Which puppet should get the money shot?
  • >> dr_jesus eyes atala's boobs
    Atala: mostly i wish i could take them off. the problem with this is that then i'd have to worry about people stealing them.
  • DrSyzygy: Muwahahahahahaha! In an unholy union, I now am able to use MPI clusters and SQL servers with Sagemath to compute Gröbner Bases!
  • Valkyrie: I don't have a real pc. I've gone totally virtual.
  • dr_jesus: On the one hand, I'm happy that people are learning sql
    dr_jesus: on the other hand, that's an awful lot of dick that I'm colocating in an anonymous secret underground swedish colo
  • alienvenom: there's a giant lightning bolt on my widget
  • DrSyzygy takes off his pants so he can write tomorrow's lecture.
    saizai: .... what's the lecture on exactly?
    qDot_: That's certainly how I prepare for my lectures.
    qDot_: But, well, I lecture about butt plugs.
  • Nils: if you take the goat to the edge of a cliff, it will push back harder.
  • lemonkey: now to spruce up my blog layout
  • dr_jesus: you're not supposed to shoot TVs
    dr_jesus: they have lead and stuff in the glass
    voronika: you're not supposed to do a lot of fun things
  • alxndr: I think I've successfully switched myself from emacs to vim.
    VonGuard: wow
    VonGuard: that's like a sex change for nerds
  • epsas: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from irc on a text console.
  • ieatlint: i'm just being a bitch and arguing this :P
  • ieatlint: nice, the producer for "survivor" is suspected in the murder of his wife
    magpie: she wasnt murdered
    magpie: just "voted off the island"
  • flatline_hb: The spamtron 9000 is set to "hair-trigger," do not say the same thing thrice on pain of kline
    flatline_hb: interesting
    flatline_hb: beetlejuice
    flatline_hb: beetlejuice
    flatline_hb: beetlejuice
    [~flatline_@the.inter.net] has quit [Killed (idoru (Spam is off topic on freenode.))]
  • phusion: surprised they could dance wearing that shit.
    miah: of course they can dance
    miah: that is battle ready armor, storm troopers need to be able to move if they are going to fight worth a damn
  • shogun_: After reading the entire article, I think it's an april fools....they got me
  • zedd: Anyone that doesn't love comic sans is a terrorist.
  • liquidsun|: I bought a hat so I can be an asshat
  • ceren: aempirei: it's been done so hard here that i think we're beating the spot on the ground where the dead horse rotted
  • lemonkey: does thermburglar steal heat?
    dr_jesus: thermburglar does in fact steal heat
    dr_jesus: and then does covered calls in the btu market with them
    dr_jesus: and then returns them, sometimes in less than pristine condition
  • hep: i never smell ok
  • DrShiny: yes, i had too much sports sex and broke my junk
  • aestetix: I think a bunch of noisebridgers should go to a strip club with laptops
    dr_jesus: some friends and I actually tried that once in vegas for defcon
    dr_jesus: then we tried it back here in the bay area to see if they'd kick us out here too and the answer is yes, immediately
  • qDot_: Well, you wallpaper your walls with vag, something's going to get peed on.
  • Jake: Enjoy the hell that you've helped to create!
  • lemonkey: GOOD MORNING
    jynn-: OH GOD
  • aestetix: dude where's my ops
    aestetix: give me status or give me death
  • VonGuard: As a result, I know exactly who is trolling when.
  • setient: i just realized how awesome it is to have your own office
    miah: put your pants back on
  • rubin110: Please fill out and submit this form to the party comity and directory in order to run your party.
  • aestetix: Atala: even better, how about a illustration of Jacque de Molay's execution?
  • wiretapped: .sql select count(*) from dongs where url like 'http://cache.boston.com%'
    noisesql: wiretapped: 0
    wiretapped: dr_jesus: see that? I didn't get a () from my delete!
    noisesql: I
    wiretapped: o_O
    noisesql: I hunger for flesh
    wiretapped: uh oh
  • >> dr_jesus ran a mile once
    dr_jesus: these days I just build sand castles instead and wait for some tough guy to kick them over, then I chessbox him
  • miah: i think im a level 2 emoquiter
  • alxndr: damn, I hope I don't bust up giggling next time someone unzips my fly because I'm thinking "HULL BREACH!! MAN YOUR BATTLESTATIONS! AAAOOOOOOGAAH"
  • aestetix: I think I now have professional java experience
    aestetix: and I hate the langugage even more
    vorstyles: barista?
    Epsas: single short amaerican plz
    vorstyles: is that a coffee order, or are you on okcupid?
  • PuppyCock: so, how do you dispose of a body?
    vorstyles: puppycock: i'd suggest dropping the body at noisebridge hq with a tag saying "for parts"
    vorstyles: it'll get used in various projects
  • aestetix: I just finished jerking off to the last page of anne frank's diary
  • Destri: there is sometimes a fine line between "protesting" and "terrorist action"
    ani-: there's sometimes a fine line between your mom and terrorist action
  • vorstyles: i hate this economy
    vorstyles: gives people too much freetime for protests
  • PuppyCock: Maddox was right
  • alienvenom: what are you interested in? bestiality, s&m?
    lemonkey: maybe
    alienvenom: daipers?
    alienvenom: you an ABDL?
    lemonkey: sploshing
    alienvenom: watersports?
    alienvenom: fisting?
    lemonkey: i enjoy feeling creamed corn between my buttcheeks
    alienvenom: O_o
    lemonkey: as if i shat myself
  • thermburglar: i have a math penis, does that count
    thermburglar: its uncut, so as to function as a slide rule as well
  • miah: or maybe i'm misisng the humor again
    miah: maybe we should implement a humor tag into irc
    miah: or write a bot that detects humor to alert us
  • ani: i totally want some httpspanties
    vorstyles: panties with a .htaccess
    lemonkey: you know it's only a matter of time before our underware starts tweeting
  • Kelly: I'm trying to make a point of relating to non-geeks as if they too were human.
  • Jim: I like being senile, it's like being drunk without the hangover.
  • lemonkey: http://twitpic.com/153mju
    lemonkey: final shuttle pin
    JSharp: nearly 30 years is a very long time for a program like that :)
    JSharp: not a bad design
    JSharp: heh, the pin I mean
  • turkshead: Dr. J has offered to quantify my gizmo with his phone.
  • alienvenom: i suspect that the people who work at muni do not, in fact, have a brain.
    solidsnack: alienvenom: But do they have a heart?
    solidsnack: I think I'm most like the cowardly lion.
  • miah: vagina dentata should be standard equipment for female soldiers
  • aestetix: I seriously think phone booths need to start popping up all over america
  • dr_jesus: I'm just happy that I wrote a robot squad that helps teach people programming languages, the details are kind of a minor point for me
    DrShiny: dr_jesus: that's so... so... SELFLESS of you
    DrShiny: "I'm just glad to do my bit to make the world a better place"
    dr_jesus: awesome buy me a hookers and blow
    DrShiny: "<self-deprecating moue>"
    dr_jesus: sandwich
  • aestetix: FUCK
  • Destri: new levels of bachelor-hood. Left coat in car, coat has my my titanium spork, need spork to stir my instant coffee
  • zedd: Come on, Zedd for ED, he gets things up
    ani: ani for ed, she puts things down
  • wiretapped: aestetix: it turns out that for most intents and purposes, the internet *is* a big truck
  • DrShiny: wait, say all that again, i spilled soup on my keyboard so i couldn't hear you
  • dr_jesus: when a child dies and has NOT been daemonized (into a completely new process group), the child zombifies because the kernel needs to keep the child data structures around in case the parent wants to look at them to figure out why the child died
    dr_jesus: ONLY WHEN the parent process calls wait() or a similar routine to extract that information does the kernel clean up the child data structures, since now the parent has them and can start poring over them to figure out what happened and what to do about it
    dr_jesus: now the parent might not want to sit around all day waiting for its kids to die, so the kernel sends SIGCHLD to the parent so whatever the parent is doing can be interrupted and it can call wait() at that point to figure out 1) who died, and 2) what caused it
    dr_jesus: so basically SIGCHLD is child protection services and the kids are suicidal
    dr_jesus: and a zombie process is a foster kid with a big tattoo on its forehead saying EXIT CODE = 0xwhatever and cps keeps it around waiting for the deadbeat parent to show up and get the exit code
  • alienvenom: yes, they would in theory be able to measure the capacitance of a penis
  • rachel-: no, when i'm 91, i'm gonna stick wine bottles up my ass
  • TheScott: we are having a wi party at VonGuards house because his wife went to Disney land
    TheScott: apparently he can't fulfill her fantasy life or requirements
  • ryan-c: oh, hey. I've been looking for that penis bouquet pic for a while
  • Valkyrie: I did some work in saltmines in Utah. They were rather unpleasant, but not horrible.
  • epsas: i miss shitting in the woods
    epsas: in my bear costume
  • epsas: you have to fellate the chicken
  • epsas: we need a fighterjetbot
    epsas: i like looking at fighter jets
    epsas: they are, like, flying dongs with guns
  • Evil-Bill: noisebutt: find Sarah Connor
    noisebutt: Evil-Bill: I don't understand 'find Sarah Connor'.
    Evil-Bill: Well that's a relief.
  • miah: how many blocks could a noisebridge member block if a noisebridge member could block blocks
  • dr_jesus: shut up for a second, I'm committing a sin against mankind
  • rachel-: it's a hard time to be a terrorist
  • DrSyzygy:: "While the joint work to immanetize the eschaton was certainly eye-opening and pleasant, I really would have liked more of the material on acausal influencing, and at least some differential algebraic topology.
    magpie-: i have a 3.8 GPA. what?
  • Evil_Bill: C has no objects (only zuul).
  • ani: you do realise the wheels made it rollable right?
  • dr_jesus: noiseelisp: eval (message user-login-name)
    noiseelisp: dr_jesus: root
    dr_jesus: god fucking dammit not again
  • dr_jesus: I also heard that the sewer system is based on alien wormhole technology and the poop timing has to be coordinated to avoid causing a grandfeces paradox
    grelli: you... you're not supposed to know about that
    grelli: are you after our beaver technology??
  • radii: I'm stuck with keeping ani and turkshead from turning the whole thing into a kumbayah steampunk vibrator singalong.
  • Martyn: Where did this whole dong meme come from, anyway?
  • rachel-: oh man I want multiple inheritance SO MUCH
    aestetix: rachel-: are you poly? cause that could happen
    aestetix: Find a bunch of old dirty guys and marry them
  • incekt: all i know is it's 40 ms away
    incekt: as the crow flies
  • dr_jesus: noisec: eval printf("%i", getuid());
    noisec: dr_jesus: 0
    dr_jesus: fuck
  • rachel: the dong link list is not very long as yet
  • dr_jesus_: rm has a hardcoded check to prevent removing /
    alienvenom: no it doesn't
    dr_jesus_: sure it does, try it
    alienvenom: the -rf overrides it
    alienvenom: i've done it before
  • Sargun: I wonder if you could make a strap on for people who already have dongs
  • aestetix: maybe a goatee sniffing context too?
  • ani-: rachel-: like all campaign promises, i can almost guarantee that it will never actually happen
  • voronika: at that point, you've missed the bitching bus
  • alienvenom: man i wish i was uncut.
    alienvenom: just saying :-P
    alienvenom: sorry
    alienvenom: lol
    ieatlint: we were just having a moment of silence for your foreskin
  • rachel: eljepe: i see your point and raise you SHUT UP
  • aestetix: Can someone explain to me in one sentence what "agile programming" is?
    oao: it's like knowing you have to drive to some city on the east coast and setting out without a map but with a phone that you can use to ask people questions along the way.
  • zedd: can't breathe lulzing too hard
  • Valkyrie: Atala: how big is your vagina?
  • aestetix: So, somewhere near the top of the list of people "You don't want to piss off (™)"
    aestetix: Up there with Hitler's ghost and Your mom
    aestetix: I think would include the people who did the construction work at Noisebridge
    aestetix: They're pretty badass
  • dr_jesus: btw I'm still planning on putting current meters on, as soon as I can convince someone not to rip them out because you can't read keystrokes off a battery powered laptop at the space using a 1Hz sample rate on a 10 bit ADC hooked up to the mains current sensor
  • Crutcher: Then they came for the Assholes - and there was no one left to speak for me.
  • >> Valkyrie` points out that bongs and other devices can be used to smoke a variety of plant matter, from tobacco to sage.
    VonGuard: so what the hell coudl you even use em for?
    wiretapped: we're using them on an append-only MyISAM db right now
  • Anonymous: I wish that rubin would just leave his natural regional endowments alone, I think that he would just be beautiful with long natural regional endowments. I have always had a great respect for nature.
  • Martyn: water for -northern- california comes in large part from Hetch Hetchi, which used to be a valley as large and as beautiful as Yosemite
    ieatlint: not as beautiful
    Martyn: it was equally as beautiful
    ieatlint: don't let the environmentalists fool you
  • rigel: so every time i import MySQLdb it says its deprecated
    rigel: what should i be using instead?
    miah: postgresql
  • Valkyrie: Well, dongs are a dime a dozen.
    Valkyrie: Space is rare.
  • VonGuard: scott will never finish the bathroom. you idiots made him a member. if he ever is in danger of getting fired for not finishing the bathroom, he will block
  • JSharp: all your anomalies are belong to deviation. you are on your way to normalization, make your sigma.
  • Rubin: OK, I can't tell which one is rum, I'm done for the night.
  • turkshead: guys, i went ahead and painted the consensus process green.
    turkshead: everybody likes green, right?
    shkoo: the consensus process must be blue.
  • Kripto: I avoid Folsom St Fair.. its my b-day weekend and the last thing I need is 50000 people all wanting to give me b-day spankings.
  • Martyn: Atala : Mental image -- Alienvenom, ieatlint, Jason, and Mike K all masturbating in wooden chairs. (revenge!)
    ieatlint: Martyn, ouch... i'm going to take that personally
    Martyn: ieatlint : Dude, I love you, but I never ever want to see you play the skinflute.
    ieatlint: fine fine
    Martyn: ieatlint : I'm sure the sentiment is returned :)
    ieatlint: but you don't need to make the same decision for the rest of noisebridge
    Martyn: ieatlint : Okay, okay .. fair enough. If you -really- want to, you can hypothetically masturbate for the non-extant construction crew :)
  • aestetix: fuck I started reading about the cat and totally forgot what I was gonna do but the kitty is so nice and cuddly awww
  • froggytoad: so... thing is, he has a thing for bears...
    Atala: i have a gorilla suit you could borrow. not sure that would work, but maybe worth a try? please clean it after though.
  • JSharp: Clippy: "I see you're trying to start an edit war. Would you like me to load a godwin macro?"
  • dr_jesus: at the moment he's so far out of compliance that the city is going to get a new TV's worth of fines out of his ass for being so shady
  • Zedd: Jeffery, why are you wearing fibreglass as a fashion accessory?
  • ioerror: 99% of the police make the rest look bad
  • eljepe: ie your pipes are full of rats
    eljepe: your walls are full of cats
    eljepe: and there is a homeless man living in your elevator
    chu: If he's living in the elevator is he really homeless?
  • ani-: hm, looks like no one has any records of a tesla turbine in the guinness book of world records
    > ani- submits
    > Evil-Bill dominates
  • noisercode: ani- beats dusek with a government entitlement and some nuts and bolts to hold my OTO meetings in 2169 for breakfast at-this-moment
  • dr_jesus: ow
    dr_jesus: some blind dude rocking out on his headphones just beaned me with his cane
  • ieatlint: unconfirmed report says a pipe bomb has gone off inside without injuries
    MrDomino: yeah, sounds like... *tic*... the semester's off to a bang...
    > ani- slaps MrDomino with a humungous trout
    > MrDomino masturbates furiously to his pun
  • Emflamed: guys.......i know wat sex is.........i dont like listening about it .... or talking bout it...... or watching it (never have) , so please stop, and i dont need a seed wife just for sex!, cuz i dont want sex!
  • rachel-: and now i have fresher breath, i sleep better, and my penis is much longer
  • teratoma: perhaps noisebridge can hack BART to run without employees
  • dr_jesus: noisecode: eval os.geteuid()
    noisecode dr_jesus: 0
    dr_jesus fuck
  • >> SanMehat blew a transformer
    iz: did he at least buy you dinner first?
  • ieatlint: yeah, i somehow doubt i could ever bring myself to have that kind of thing (penis piercing) done...
    Atala: ieatlint: you're single right now, yes?
    ieatlint: Atala, yes.
    Atala: ieatlint: now's the time! if that thing isn't going to get some use, might as well bling it out.
  • ceren: ps: do not feed your pierced penis to a baby.
  • >> ani- puts on pants
    rachel-: ani-: nooooooooooooo
  • Atala: yeah, what's been up with the pacific northwest hitting bbq temperatures?
    lemonkey: god's wrath for Microsoft bing
  • rubin110: So Andy was wearing the tightest pants earlier today at the wedding.
    rubin110: His ass looked sooo good.
    rubin110: You didn't hear this from me.
    rubin110: ER ALL OF
  • rubin110: Wait.
    rubin110: Why don't we have the makerbot just print us a new space?
  • There was a David Fine bonanza - which got its own page.
  • froggytoad: apparantly the dust turns to acid, when you add water. I haven't tried it yet.
  • dr_jesus: clearly you have not witnessed the full power of this fully armed and operational asian counterfeiting operation
  • VonGuard: oh, hey, tell miloh we figured out how to sex his lizard
  • Atala: were they asking you to get fucked in the ass by a machine for money?
  • lemonkey: mm jerk chicken quesadillas
    iz: they are extra delicious because you know the chicken was a real asshole when alive
  • froggytoad: fish guts have this excellent quality of bringing solids out of solutions
  • -- Let it hereby also be noted that PNAC stands for Pvck's Neutron Absorbent Cock.
  • Nana: Rat poison is never the solution.
  • lemonkey: stop, drop, and rofl
  • dr_jesus: If you get me that board, I will develop quad core pants.
  • VonGuard: "welcome to apple, here's your new liver, an ipod, and an ounce of heroin"
  • Atala: ieatlint: sucking cock for crack doesn't count ;P
    ieatlint: Atala, it wasn't for crack
  • ieatlint: yeah, we need a pigeon hacking class at noisebridge
  • vniow-rachel-: i am an unholy breed of hot lesbian and craftiness!
  • Atala: i wish i could eat in the same way i masturbate - whenever the hell i feel like it, going for as long between as i feel like. though it would be sad if i couldn't eat in public, that would be annoying.
  • Valkyrie: I remember a job interview I went on where they had decided that this "IP" business was not the way to go so they were ripping out all their ethernet and replacing it with RS232 and x.25.
  • San: "I still fucking hate Keanu Reeves"
  • ryanc-: i need more sex toys
    vniow: me too
  • aestetix: vniow: do you want me to bring the rape game by Noisebridge tonight?
  • alienvenom: '/win goto #gaysf
    alienvenom: err
    alienvenom: wow
    alienvenom: uh
    alienvenom: everyone type /clear now please :)
    alienvenom: :-\
  • vniow: god, i sound like a noisebridge slut
    Dr. Jesus: vniow: I don't think you're a slut
    vniow: i've slept with ceren too, as of last night
    Dr. Jesus: ok, now I do
  • leif: It's not as wiki as it could be.
  • Martyn: That dildo is going to see more action that a pornstar at Kink.com
    Martyn: You're going to have to start laser-etching the names of people who have used it on it
    Atala: there is definitely an appeal to being able to say "yeah, that steampunk vibrator you saw on boing boing? i fucked that."
  • Valkyrie`: So I'm thinking about going to this gothic rocket thing tonight.
  • Valkyrie`: eh. We already got a "go kill yourself" post... over EMAIL ETIQUETTE!
    Valkyrie`: It's a little surreal.
  • Dr. Jesus: Ok, the federal government is IMing me now.
  • anonymous: Being in noisebridge feels like being surrounded by gnomes and unicorns.
  • Jake: Dr. Jesus, I have no epenis.
  • aestetix : Nine minutes left. That's enough time to do some coke.
  • Jake: Police are like vampires, you never invite them into your home.
  • Skye: I'm like Pavlov for slovenliness.
  • Steen: If you keep taking those you're going to train me to just leave them there.
  • Pemulis: Have you ever jumped from one yacht to another when you own both yachts?